


Actually, I'm Not Sorry

by ArtemiStorm



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alphonse Elric is a Good Brother, Canon Compliant, Crying, Dialogue Heavy, Edward Elric is a Good Brother, Epilogue, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Edward Elric, Hurt/Comfort, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, Restored Alphonse Elric, the author agrees that milk is gross, the sun shines again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:02:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27556552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemiStorm/pseuds/ArtemiStorm
Summary: After the last battle, Alphonse and Edward are recovering in the hospital and have a heart-to-heart about everything that's happened and what comes next.
Kudos: 32





	Actually, I'm Not Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Not really any specific theme song per se, but I've been listening to the Youtube music compilation "STEAMPUNK 2" by ThePrimeCronus the whole time I've been writing this. But my favorite song in the compliation is "Oriana" by MythFox.
> 
> I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters.

“Brother, are you awake yet?” Alphonse asked. He watched Edward’s body lying in the bed next to him for any sign of movement.

“Brother?”

Edward inhaled deeply and moved his head.

“Brother!”

“…Al?” Edward said blinking bleary-eyed at Alphonse.

“Yeah. I’m here. In the flesh, thanks to you!” Alphonse chirped.

Edward shifted to try and sit up, grunted and lay back down. 

“You probably shouldn’t move too much, yet,” Alphonse advised. “They just brought you back here not too long ago.”

“I don’t think I could move much even if I wanted to.”

“Your surgery went well.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“They’ve got out all of the metal they can out of your shoulder.”

“But not all of it?”

“They said it looked like the metal from your automail arm port was partially transmuted—used as raw materials—when your arm reformed. But your body couldn’t use all of the metal, so it left shards. They got the shards out of your muscles, but left the ones in your bones—they’re part of them now.”

“Heh. So even with my arm back, I still have a little bit of automail.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Sure. My arms hurt—this shoulder especially, but I don’t mind. The pain means that my arm’s here and it’s real. What about you, Alphonse? How do you feel?”

“Much better already! The nurse said they’ll start allowing visitors to come later this afternoon—if you’re up for it.”

“Of course, I’m up for it!”

Edward stared upward at the lazily spinning ceiling fan. “Soo… where’s the old man?”

“Dad left. Before you woke up.”

“Oh. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“He said something about going back to Resembool.”

“He’s not even going to wait for us to get out of the hospital? Geez, what a great dad. We should take bets. You think he’ll still be in Resembool when we get there?”

“Why wouldn’t he still be there?”

“Because he… you know how he is… it’s… whatever. Let’s talk about something else.”

“If you want to.”

“Have they let you have any food yet?”

“No. Not other than this, anyway.” Al tapped a tube running into his nose. “They said it’ll probably be a few days before they’ll let me have solid food. And even then, I’ll have to start with easy stuff like rice cereal.”

“Haha, baby food. For my little baby brother.”

“What are you talking about? You’re the littler—oh!” Alphonse caught himself. Edward grinned.

“Not anymore, small-fry.”

“Hehe, I forgot for a second that I’m not still a seven-foot-tall suit of armor.”

“That’s right! I’m actually the big brother now, haha!”

“You know, I was thinking about it, and do you know what the first real thing I want to eat or drink (if they’ll let me)?”

“Let me guess… apple pie?” 

“Nope!”

“Quiche?” 

“Wrong again!”

“Rice cereal?”

“Definitely not.”

“I give up. What do you want?”

“A nice tall ice-cold glass of milk!”

“Eww! Gross! Of all the delicious things in the world you go and choose something so nasty? What’s wrong with you?”

Alphonse giggled. 

“Geez, you really are a little baby. Drinking milk. Blecc!” Edward stuck his tongue out.

“I’m sure the nurses would be kind enough to bring you a glass too if you wanted.”

“No way! Keep that stuff away from me!”

“I’ll order one right now for you—hey! Miss Nurse Lady! A glass of milk for my brother please!”

“Nonononono! Ignore him, ma’am!” Edward propped himself up on his left elbow. “He’s confused! No milk for me!” He tried to wave his right arm but cringed in pain and let his arm drop limply on his stomach.

“Ah! Too soon!”

“You shouldn’t try moving that arm yet, brother. Hey! What are you doing?”

“I’m sitting up,” he grimaced. 

“You shouldn’t be doing that yet!”

“Ehh, it’s fine. I’m not much for lying down.” He exhaled. “Whew! Much better.”

Alphonse got quiet. Edward looked at him. Alphonse was staring with a concerned look on his face.

“What’s bothering you?” Edward asked.

“That scar—on your side—what is it from?”

“This one?” Edward pointed to a large spidering scar on the left side.

“Yeah. I don’t remember you getting hurt there.”

“You weren’t around for that one.”

“Was it pretty bad?” 

Edward sighed and ran his left hand through his hair.

“…it almost killed me.”

“How did it happen?” Alphonse asked with a timid voice.

“I… might have… gotten impaled.”

“IMPALED?!”

“Unfortunately. By a beam of metal when Kimbley collapsed the mine tower on top of me.”

“You were IMPALED by the MINE TOWER?!”

“More or less.”

“How could you even—how did you possibly survive?”

“I wasn’t completely alone then. Two of Kimbley’s men—you know, Donkey Kong and Lion King—they were stuck down there in the mine shaft with me too. I had one of them pull the beam out of my stomach and then I healed myself with alchemy.”

“…you did WHAT?! How did you…”

“…when I say healed… that’s a bit of an overstatement. Mostly, I just stopped the bleeding and jerry-rigged a semi-functional internal organ system.”

“ … ”

“You know how I was missing for a couple months?”

“You were recovering?”

“Yeah. Those guys took me to a doctor in some random northern town and I was laid up for longer than I would have liked.”

“Understandable. That’s a grave injury you survived. And using alchemy for first aid? That’s pretty amazing. You’re an amazing alchemist!”

“Was.”

“Oh. Yeah. Was. Sorry.”

“It definitely wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t without cost.”

“Cost?” A scared look crossed Alphonse’s face. “…What was the price?”

“I… had to use some of my own life-force to power the transmutation.”

“…you used your own life force? But that means…”

“Yeah. I’ve probably sacrificed a couple years off my life span.”

“Brother…”

“Don’t tell Winry. She’d probably make my life even shorter than it’s already doomed to be.”

“I… won’t… but you’ll have to. She’ll find out about the scar eventually.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.”

Alphonse paused. Edward could hear the gears turning in his head.

“So just to make sure I’ve got this straight, you used your own soul to do a small-scale human transmutation on yourself.”

“That is correct.”

“So… wouldn’t that make you…”

“A Philosopher’s Stone? Yeah. I think so.”

“…so that’s why ‘Father’ went after you in the end. I thought he was just confused or angry that you thwarted him.”

“Huh. You’re right. I hadn’t thought about that. He needed power—he needed a Philosopher’s Stone—and I am one.”

“That’s just incredible… oh!”

“What? What are you smirking about?”

“You’re gonna hate me for saying this, but…”

“But what?”

“You’re just like Dad.”

“WHAT?! No! You’re crazy! I’m nothing like that old geezer!”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so! I can’t believe you’d compare me to him like that!” Alphonse’s laughter rang clearly through the room. Edward smiled. His laughter wasn’t tinney and metallic like it used to be, it was real. 

Alphonse’s smile faded.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? That you were hurt so badly?”

“It’s… not a memory I like thinking about. And I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. As you said, I was going to have to tell you eventually.” Edward looked away, but he could still feel Alphonse looking at him.

“You sure have a lot of scars, Brother.”

“You do too, yours just aren’t visible.”

“Brother…” Alphonse’s voice cracked. His eyes brimmed with tears.

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

“Because of me… you went through so much to get my body back, but you—you’re still missing a leg and you have all those scars and who knows what the long-term affects on your health will be after being impaled. We’ve been through so much together and in the end I got my body back intact but yours is still broken. It isn’t fair! I’m sorry, Brother, you’ve suffered so much on my behalf! And you’re still suffering and I’m so sorry!” Alphonse burst into tears and cried freely.

“Alphonse.”

“What?”

“Don’t be.”

“What?”

“Don’t be sorry. You forget, getting back your body isn’t the only thing we’ve done.” 

Alphonse blinked.

“Not only did we get back your body—and my arm—but we’ve gone on some epic adventures, learned A LOT about alchemy, we stopped Fuhrer Bradley and Father, we SAVED Amestris, and most importantly, we’ve made A LOT of friends.”

“My leg? That’s the price I bear for my sin and it’s a reminder to myself about the truth of equivalent exchange. These scars on my shoulder are the scars I earned because I love you enough to sacrifice my arm for you. And these newest ones on the same shoulder? These are gifts, because you loved me enough to sacrifice yourself to return my arm to me. And this scar I have on my belly from being impaled? I have that because I refused to take Kimbley’s life despite everything he’s done and I’m proud of that. I’m proud of all of these scars. I’m so grateful for all the good things that have come from the last few years even though they’ve been hard. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.”

“So don’t be sorry, Alphonse. None of this is your fault. I’m not suffering because of you. I’m alive and happy in a living rebuilding country surrounded by friends because of you. And most of all, I’m overjoyed because I finally get to be with you, the real you.

“Oh Brother!” Alphonse burst into tears once more.

“Hey! Hey! Enough with the crying!” 

Alphonse flipped the covers off his lap and slid out of bed. 

“Whoah, what are you doing? You should stay in bed!”

Alphonse draped himself over Edward, his shoulders shaking as he cried. Edward hugged him tightly.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Alphonse blubbered. “I’m so happy! I’ve been so worried about you and how you felt about this whole thing, but now I’m relieved. And I’m glad too for all the good things that have happened and the people we’ve had the pleasure of knowing.”

“Good! Remember all the good things that have happened along with the bad, because you need both to see the whole picture.”

“I’m so glad to have you for a big brother! Thank you, Edward!” Alphonse wailed. Edward rubbed his back. 

“Is this… the first time you’ve cried since…?”

“Yes, it is! I’m so sorry brother, I’m a sobbing mess. But I’ve got like four-years-worth of tears stored up! Waaaah!”

“Haha, that’s okay. Take all the time you need.”

“No, I’m sorry, I’ll stop for now. I know you’re not a big fan of crying. I’m sorry.” An expression of sudden realization crossed his face. “Actually, you know what?” 

“What?”

“I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry I FEEL so much right now, because it’s wonderful and I feel so alive and I’m so thankful!”

“Aww man, Alphonse!” Edward covered his eyes with his hands.

“What?”

Edward pulled his hand away revealing tears running down his own cheeks.

“Now, you’ve got me crying now too.”

Alphonse giggled through the tears. 

“We’re a mess, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we are. And that’s okay.”

“Okay.” Alphonse wiped his running eyes and nose on his thin arm. “I’m okay now. I think I’m going to get back into my own bed.”

“Okay.” 

Alphonse slid off Edward’s bed, took a wobbly step back to his bed and crawled back in between the covers. He lay back against the pillows and looked up at the ceiling.

“We’ve certainly come a long way, haven’t we, Brother?”

“We sure have.”

“So what’s next?”

“Well, once we’re both better, I figure we’ll head back to Resembool.”

“Oh! We should definitely call Winry and Granny and let them know we’re okay.”

“Nah, it’ll be fine. You said Dad was headed back there right? He’ll tell them.”

Alphonse smiled.

“What? What are you grinning about?”

“You called him Dad.”

“What else am I supposed to call him? I can’t keep calling him bastard after he tried to sacrifice himself to bring you back from the Truth Gate.”

“He did that?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t let him though. The idiot.”

Alphonse laughed. 

“I’m glad.”

They both stared at the ceiling fan as it spun around and around.

“So after Resembool, then what?” Alphonse asked.

“I dunno.”

“Wait! I have an idea!”

“What?”

“Everything! Let’s do everything!”

“Yeah! I like that! Let’s do everything!”

They both lay there quietly for a few minutes until Edward interrupted the silence once again.

“You know what Al?”

“What?”

“I’m really glad you’re back.”

“I’m really glad we’re both back!”

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched through all of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, the original, and then I read all the manga for the first time and I LOVED it.
> 
> I don’t know why, but I just feel so much hope in my heart right now. Like everything’s going to be okay. Even though work is hard and my roommate’s suffering and I’m about to move to another country and coronavirus exists and I’m far away from my family, even though everything is on fire around me, everything WILL be okay in the end. And I look forward to the day when everything is okay. I KNOW that day is coming. I just have to keep going. And so do you, whoever you are, YOU CAN DO IT!
> 
> “A lesson without pain is meaningless. For you cannot gain something without sacrificing something else in return. But once you have overcome it and made it your own, you will gain an irreplaceable Fullmetal heart.”  
> ~ Hiromu Arakawa


End file.
